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Discussion Topic: Hope this inspires someones to "hang in there"! God bless! YOU CAN DO IT!
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 AndrewsGagoo
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10-08-2004 @ 2:51 PM |
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Member
Joined: Sep. 2004
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I'm a 57 year old widow with two grown children
and three grandchildren. My father was an
alcoholic, my mother was "nervous" all the time. As
a child, I was hyper and always felt as if I was
going to "jump out of my skin". Senior year in high
school, I missed 30 days the first semester -- I
was so terror-stricken I'd sit up, awake at night until
I was so exhausted I'd fall asleep right where I
was. I'd begun seeing school counselors when I
was a sophomore but, senior year, they couldn't
handle me any longer and I was referred to the
school psychologist (PhD) who, in turn, referred
me to a psychiatrist -- I can't remember "why". My
parents refused.
My father died at 21 and things seemed to "settle
down" for awhile. However, after I married at 24, I
began having major emotional, mental, and
psychological problems again and ended up being
hospitalized for "neurotic depression" after my
daughter was born. At that time they told me I was
"ill" and would always have to take medication,
remain in therapy, and see a psychiatrist. I said
"No way" and set out to prove the doctors wrong. I
was 28 years old.
Well, needless to say, the joke was on me -- it took
me 27 years -- and 10 psych unit hospitalizations --
to finally concede to the doctors original opinion.
Those 27 years contained more major emotional,
mental, and psychological problems than I've ever
heard of anyone suffering and struggling through,
however, there were also some wonderful
experiences and fantastic memories coupled with
the pain, panic, and depression.
My mother became seriously ill when I was 37 and
THAT began 12 years or unbelievable "he--" -- total,
all-out, full-blown panic attacks. Alone. A single
mom. I returned to college when I was 40 and
spent the next 9 years trying to make a better life for
my children and me. BIG JOKE! I continued living
through "he--", not only with mental, emotional, and
psychological concerns, but also with uncontolled
migraines. The pain was excruciating and, again, I
was unable to tolerate the medication -- utnil
Imitrex was introduced in 1992!
During the 12 years between 1985, beginning the
day my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and
until the spring of 1996, I couldn't get within 15 feet
of an elevator door or I'd faint -- or feel like it. There
were other "triggers" as well, and sometimes an
attack was simply unexplained. I couldn't eat
because of constant indigestion and an ever
present "lump" in my throat and would lose as
much as 25 pounds -- I'm 5'7' and usually weighed
about 135. The only reason I ever gained weight
back was because my physical symptoms and
depression would finally get so bad * I'd end up in
the hospital and back on meds -- until I felt better
again and I'd stop taking the medication. "In the
beginning" they knew little about panic attacks,
generalized disorder, and even clinical
depression and there wasn't much available
besides talk therapy and support groups. AND,
once the medical communities became more
acceptive of mental health concerns, I found I was
either "allergic" or "hypersensitive" to much of the
medication. I'd be "frantic", looking for help which
never seemed to come.
* Partly due to the panic attack -- and fear of having
another attack -- and partly due to sever depressive
episodes, I'd become agoraphobic. Not only would
I spiral downward into a never-ending well of
despair, I'd sleep almost constantly (possibly a
way to "escape"), couldn't function, and would
reach a point where it was a total effort to leave my
home. When I was "required" to go out, I'd force
myself to run errands or whatever feeling extremely
anxious and rushed, often having panic attacks,
and usually returning home early. I'd even take the
phone off the hook and not respond to e-mail
messages.
Over the years I saw dozens of counselors,
doctors, chiropractors, ministers; Tried all sorts of
therapies -- accupuncture, relaxation techniques,
biofeedback, positive imagery, health food diets,
vitamins and supplements, always prayer...... and
much, much MORE!
Then, two things happened.....
In 1996, as I neared completion of my masters
degree at age 49, I felt it was imperative that I
overcome my fear of elevators, at least, since I
could very well have found a job in a high rise
building that would require that I ride an elevator
daily (For 12 years, if assigned an upper floor in a
hotel, for example, I'd walk up-and-down -- 10, 12,
even 20 floors!) I went to the college counseling
center and asked for help in overcoming the panic
attacks, especially as related to elevators. A
therapist about my own age agreed to help and we
spent 3-4 hours each week for 6 weeks on or
around the bank of elevators in the building. First
we'd walk toward the closed doors; then I'd press
the button and the doors would open; eventually
we progressed to standing in the car; then riding
up one floor together; then she'd go up one floor
and I'd follow, etc. by the time I left campus in April,
I was able to ride an elevator alone and have
continued to be able to ride -- believe it or not, I
can't even "make" myself have a panic attack now!
Then, in 1999, during what turned out to be my last
psych unit hospitalization (I've gone for 5 years now
without being hospitalized -- the longest in my
adult life; since being diagnosed in 1975) my
psychiatrist sat me down and looked me square in
the eyes and told me "You've lived like this for 28
years. You have to understand you do NOT 'have to'
live like this! However, in order to do that, you
MUST taken your medication religiously, for the
rest of your life."
THAT "changed" my life forever -- and I thank God
for that doctor. We worked out a plan for
medication which, with only minor adjustments,
I've stuck to meticulously for the past 5 1/2 years.
I'm a completely different person! No more panic
attacks. No more severe depression. No more
hospitalizations. No more impulsive decisions. No
more insecurities. I'm on permanent Social
Security but work part time to help supplemental
my income. I volunteer in my community as well.
And, I'm actively involved with my children and their
families. I read my old journals and I'm shocked at
how terrible the panic and depression was; can no
longer recall "exactly" how the physical symptoms
felt; find it difficult to believe I lived as I did for so
long -- lived THROUGH what I did for so long!
My points are:
1) Find a good church home or religious support
system. Prayer works. Faith is important.
2) Find positive, uplifting doctors, therapists, and
support persons you interact well with and trust.
That way when they suggest something, you'll be
more likely to work with with them whether it's
trying a new medication or learning a new
relaxation technique.
3) Make sure immediate family members, as well
as a couple close friends (and maybe someone at
work), are not only "aware of" your problems but
also "understand" them so they can help you
through panic attacks or help you get appropriate
help for bouts or flare ups of depression and
agoraphobia.
4) KEEP GOING to your doctors and therapists,
even if you feel better. Stop going ONLY when you
AND your professional and family support teams
jointly agree that you can "go it on your own".
5) KEEP TAKING your medication as prescribed.
Yes, side effects may be difficult to deal with and
are certainly uncomfortable, frustrating, and even
frightening, but remember mental health can't be
"measured" like blood insulin levels. You can't
prick your finger, get a reading, and say "Ok, I need
to take 25 mg of Paxil today" and the next day, after
your reading, "Oh! Looks as if I'm getting more
anxious. Need to increase the Paxil to 33mg
today!" IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! It may take
several weeks, several doctor's visits, several
therapy sessions, and possibly several different
medications before you and your health care
professionals find the right dosage/combination
that works.
6) AND LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME -- ONE MINUTE
at a time if you have to. Teach yourself to "shut off"
you mind -- negative thoughts, frantic feelings,
worrying about things, whatever. Come up with
your own "mantra" -- mine is "Praise you, Lord.
Thank you, Jesus" and when I'm in pain or fearful I
lie down flat, put a cool cloth across my eyes (that
helps me "focus" for some reason) practice my
relaxation techniques, and repeat my "mantra"
over, and over, and over. Your mind can only think
of ONE THING at a time so if you're saying
something a loud AND CONCENTRATING ON IT
you're mind CANNOT go off into negative or fearful
thoughts!
7) And don't eves, and Keep on keepin' on! You will
probably take 1 step forward and 3 steps back at
times, and it may look as if there's no light at the
end of the tunnel (That's where faith and positive
affirmations help A LOT), but YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU WILL DO IT! IN FACT, EVERY ONE OF YOU
HERE IS DOING IT ALREADY -- you wouldn't be
here otherwise! So Congratulations. I'm proud of
each of you but more importantly, BE PROUD OF
YOURSELVES!r hesitate to call members of your
support team, whether during recovery or after --
you CAN "go back again" if necessary!
Good luck, God bless. 
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| dCheryl |
10-20-2004 @ 3:40 PM |
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Member
Joined: Feb. 2004
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WOW. What an ordeal you went thru. I can't imagine going thru all of that. You have come a long, long way and I thank you for sharing your story. You are no doubt going to be an inspiration to alot of people.
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| Posted By |
Discussion Topic: Hope this inspires someones to "hang in there"! God bless! YOU CAN DO IT!
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