Listening and Supporting Skills
Individuals seeking support just want to feel heard. Showing another member that you are listening (or reading) can be difficult over the internet. Here are some basic listening skills you can apply in the forums:
Paraphrasing:
Paraphrasing is when you repeat what the (other) member has said.
- You are not parroting, which is copying what the member said exactly; you are repeating what is said in your own words, i.e. what you understood the member to say.
- This technique conveys understanding, interest and empathy.
- A few ways to start a paraphrase: "So you are saying that…" or "I have heard you say that…"
Open Ended Questions
: Questions that require more than a one word answer.
- Avoid "Why" questions as it implies blame and could make the member become defensive.
- Try using How, What, When, and Who questions, i.e. "How did you reward yourself?"
- For a list of 20 question ideas please click here.
Summarizing:
Summarize what the member has said and what has been discussed.
- Summarizing clarifies what has already been discussed and allows members to reflect.
- For example, "You mentioned numerous things about your current situation, such as arguments at home and the anger you feel. You spoke of having no motivation to do some of the things you used to enjoy. What are some steps you can take to start doing some of the things you once enjoyed? "
Elaboration
: To promote more discussion and to clarify further, ask for elaboration.
- Try to avoid discussing broad generalizations.
- Ask them to give you examples.
- For example, ask questions like "Tell me more" or "Please explain further."
Reflecting Emotions
In our society the expression of negative emotions is often discouraged. Individuals with mental illness are sometimes told to stop whining or to just "snap out of it." This can lead the individual to think that their feelings are invalid; therefore, they never address the underlying causes of these feelings.
By reflecting and validating the members emotions we are making them feel heard and understood; this in itself is therapeutic. The following are a few techniques on how to reflect emotions:
- Draw out a few key emotion words used by the member and repeat those words in your response.
- Describe how you think the member feels in your own words. Sometimes hearing someone else put feelings into words can lead to self-awareness.
- If you decide to re-word what a member is saying, remember to start by saying, i.e. "You seem…", "I am hearing…" etc. Also, ask for clarification, i.e. "Is this right?" or "Am I understanding what you are saying?"
- Do not try to exaggerate or minimize the emotion. For example, if a member says, "I am feeling a little down" do not say, "I am hearing that you are depressed right now." This can lead the member to think that they are not really being heard.
- Expand your vocabulary. Try to think of other words to describe a member’s emotions. Do not be afraid to use a thesaurus. The more accurately you can articulate an emotion the more self-aware the member will feel. Please click here for a list of 150 feeling words.
- Always encourage members to express themselves. Many members apologize for "ranting" or "whining." Try to encourage further discussion by reassuring the member that their posts are not seen as ranting or whining and that we appreciate their contributions in the support group.